dan dan kokoro

one day, larvitar, bagon and gible were on a journey together to find the sparkling garchomp poster.
bagon: what happened to larvitar?
gible: larvitar?
larvitar: GUYS I'M RIGHT HERE!
gible: i heard someone... who was that?
larvitar: gible! i'm right here!!
GIBLE SHOVES THE LARVITAR-LOOKING LIKE THING OFF A CLIFF
gible: bagon. you satisfied?
bagon: yep.
however, a sparkling gabite beheads a soda can.
the end.
larvitar: are you ok?
tyranitar: you're a failure.

TAKING DOWN ALL PORN POSTS

because this blog has to be sfw.
it's just going to be the ones like "FLYGON PORN," "SAMUROTT PORN," etc.
adding nsfw tags to the nsfw posts.

flygon part 2.

after reading our guide, you STILL didn't beat that sick motherfucker named flygon!?

lucky bastard

oh yeah. our guide had a mistake - cubone only breaks 1 rock... but yeah, if you wanna smash blocks, get golurk, which is also a sick fuck.
read the guide again and use that team.
use mega glalie if you wanna beat up flygon, or mega swampert with a water team, or mega sceptile with a grass team. but luck depends on you. and walrein is an ice type so it won't work with swampert.
glalie has chill though.
if you don't like sleep charm, use freeze. maybe use that alola-ninetales from an event. if not, get vanilluxe. skill boost it for optimal results.
after beating flygon, CATCH IT!
flygon has a low catch rate. but 5% every move. if you REALLY want flygon, hope for a super catch power.
i once got flygon at 85% with a super catch power, but it still escaped AND RAN.... fuck flygon. you make luxray look like a PRINCESS. a FEMININE one.
if it escapes, then smoke weed with manectric, salamence, and garchomp. speaking of which whiscash is going on right now. maybe you can catch it instead. or maybe gliscor.
BUT WHATEVER IT IS...FUCK FLYGON.

FLYGON

ok. so you do NOT to s rank a bunch of stages for gliscor, and missed out on a whiscash.
well, our only choice is flygon, right!?
BECAUSE GABITE ONLY BREAKS 1 BLOCK!?
(unless you missed out on gabite too)
well first of all, flygon is in stage 390. requires grinding. and also maybe rhydon.
your recommended level of pokes to use is "8."

i hate flygon

flygon has a really hard stage. but here are some SOLUTIONS.
flygon loves to DISRUPT WITH BLOCKS, as you see here. roserade/milotic could help with that, if you caught roserade or milotic. if you don't have either, get milotic. roserade is overkill.
if you have some supplies (like skill swappers), skill swap your suicune. you probably should have a suicune. unless you skill swapped it already... or maybe froslass.
if you don't wanna invest a skill swapper, use krabby... unless you didn't get it. search up block smash pokemon.
next up - rock break. if you didn't miss out on a winking manaphy, kyogre, walrein, omastar, roselia, cloyster, or froakie, then use those. preferably winking manaphy or walrein (if you like s-ranking stages).
then either use a sleep charm. grovyle/lilligant is good. if you got shaymin you're even better. skill boost it for more flygon pwning.
or mind zap. bellossom or ludicolo work out well. (380 s-ranks for ludicolo, bellossom has special stage.) if you don't have either, greninja is an option. requires 200 s-ranks however. maybe skill swap abomasnow. sleep charm is probably better. unless you skill boosted your mind zappers.
and if you don't wanna go the itemless route...
JUST USE ALL YOUR ITEMS ON FLYGON! flygon deserves all of them. would require coins. plus you'll get an s-rank.
and then catch flygon! your favorite part!
FLYGON RUNNING AWAY AT 85%?
well then announce that GARCHOMP / GLISCOR / THE FISH THAT EATS MASTER BALLS IS WAY BETTER and then smoke weed with manectric, salamence and garchomp.

BONUS - FLYGON IS NEVER SAFE FROM ME

rhydon

did you expect a picture of rhydon? i hope not.
you get a mega sceptile and hope you're glad with that. if not a manectric will fuck you.

MEET OUR NEW SPEED GOD.

who is the FASTEST poke ever?
sceptile, who is extremely fast. he can run over manectric...
NO! it's not sceptile. there are various choices.
first, we have SHUCKLE, your favorite bug type!

way faster than sceptile. would run over sceptile big time. fuck sceptile. fuck deoxys-speed, its name is a lie. fuck ninjask. fuck electrode. fuck serperior.
cheer for torterra.
breloom, shiftry, cacturne, and chesnaught optional. would give you credit.
shuckle is faster than sonic 100x. i heard shuckle outspeeds SCEPTILE.
anyone who outspeeds sceptile is a bastard.
good. 'cause then you are one.

now let's hope sceptile gets that dick out of his mouth...

sceptile

sceptile looks lovely!

sceptile looks humble in this one, actually...

but is he nice? NO!

sceptile is known for throwing insults at shiftry, just for being grass/dark type. he is also known to hate breloom, gallade, flygon, cacturne, chesnaught, and torterra. he has a crush on meganium, one of the only females.

although sceptile can be cute.

however, manectric, luxray, garchomp and salamence exist for a purpose. manectric for the speed, salamence for the attack, luxray for no reason and salamence, 'cause he's a dragon.

but no wait? sceptile can into mega?

sceptile CAN into mega!

YES HE CAN!!! meaning a reason why he's superior to shiftry, breloom, and even serperior himself.

but hey - meganium exists for the sexiness. serperior exists because dewott hates him. sceptile exists for the SPEED. sceptile's FAST, fastest grass type ever. look at him.

mess with these and DIE!

zangoose is one of our friends. guess how he thinks? does he like the stats of sceptile?

ok. i guess not.

sadly greninja is 2 points faster than sceptile... he is fucked.

but milotic

no one cares about you. we only care about ampharos, manectric, luxray, garchomp, and gallade. those are the 5 centrals. anyone else will be fucked by a machamp.

what? you think sceptile still sucks? go suck off a breloom or shiftry...

zekrom poetry

you are an electric-type legendary

also part dragon type

you have block smash+

making lots of stages easy

look at you you're a tool, even more than reshiram

water and flying

what you're strong against, zekrom

all those hard stages are easy now, zekrom

it's a lie - reshiram barrier bash+ doesn't beat zekrom block smash+

taking 5 rmls

resists 3 types

dragons, fairies, ice and ground

zekrom is good.

zekrom is great! even though it only covers 2 types...

still, there are MANY hard stages to cover, that are water and flying! made dewott a piece of cake!

and that's why zekrom beats reshiram again. what's next? kyurem white eject++?

also samurott is fucking ugly don't judge me

SHUFFLE IN A NUTSHELL

there's an awesome pokemon game named pokemon shuffle!

an example of an average pokemon shuffle stage

there are many hard stages, like dewott, and then easy stages, like magikarp. you also get to fight mega pokemon to get their mega stones!

an example of a mega battle.

here are some abilities.
OPPORTUNIST - when servine eats drugs/snivy evolves into milotic
SWAP - what helioptile has.
T-BOOST - what heliolisk, swanna, shiftry and other awesome shit have.
ROCKIFY - this is a very funny ability. first, graveler turns a non-support into a rock. make sure to bring flygon with you. or chikorita. or maybe even fucking totodile. make graveler turn the non-support pokemon into a rock, and then flygon must use rock break+ to destroy the rocks. YOU WILL BE FORCED TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT FLYGON IS A MURDERER AND SHOULD BE SENT TO JAIL.
HITTING STREAK - what mienshao, salamence, manectric, and mandibuzz have in common.
DAMAGE STREAK - a hitting streak clone aurorus and shelgon have this ability.
ROCK BREAK+ - what flygon uses to murder bunnies with flygon, fearow, chikorita, cyndaquil, totodile, hitmontop, bisharp and clawitzer all have this ability. help them all.
COUNTERATTACK+ - an extremely broken ability servine has. abuse it so pokemon shuffle is way easier.
FLYGON IS A MURDERER - rock break+
STABILIZE+ - OH MY GOD MILOTIC HAS THIS ABILITY
BLOCK SMASH+ - talonflame, golurk, gallade, zekrom, dialga, crawdaunt, rampardos
EJECT - the nicer version of rockify/blockify.
SHOCK ATTACK - what dewott has. superior to oshawott (whirlpool) and samurott (quake).
RISK-TAKER - what hoopa unbound, larvitar, emboar and alakazam have in common.
POWER OF 5 - nidoking, excadrill
next up - the enhancements.
SKILL SWAPPER - swaps a pokemon's skill. can swap totally useless abilities (opportunist) to extremely useful abilities (barrier bash++ escavalier on fire)
RAISE MAX LEVEL - WHAT MAKES MAGIKARP STRONGER THAN AGGRON
MEGA SPEEDUP - can make mega tyranitar beat the fuck out of wurmple.
EXP. BOOSTER - aggron ate too many of these and now he's on steroids
SKILL BOOSTER - I FED THEM ALL TO RESHIRAM
finally...
delphox, braixen and fennekin are so cute while serperior is superior to you.